“When you touched me
taking all that time
and consecrated city
in orbit for centuries
found its dome.”
In our last article, we talked about the intricate and beautiful nature of Sacred Daoist sexuality, and how so many women fail to know themselves. This can lead to trauma and to grief, but with this understanding of the spiritual side of sexuality, we can begin to learn more about ourselves, and this can help us fully realize the joy and the depth of sex. That can help us in all walks of our lives.
Bringing this all back to relationships, I appreciate the focus on owning our own sexuality and taking responsibility for it. Dr. Jenni Skyler expressed that we all own our own orgasm, it isn’t something that someone else can give to us, and it’s ours if we want it. Over the course of our workshop, Sarah illuminated the fundamental facets of sacred sexuality from a Daoist perspective. Insights and teachings that shed immense light on many of the challenges that we face in our limited view and experience of sexuality…Daoist sexuality puts us in the driver seat of our sexual energy.
This energy demands us to become more sensitive to what we say yes and what we say no to, and is a refinement of how we listen to everything- and that listening builds a base to operate from. Honing this essential energy is about cultivating specificity in our desire vs. floating in a sea of vagueness and that feeling of wishy-washy “maybes.” A decisive yes or no feels so much better than maybe, and I am sure most of us can remember a time in our life when we approached sex with a maybe, which turned into a yes, when in fact it should have been a decisive no.
Sacred Daoist sexuality rests on the belief that our own sexuality is something that we must discover and cultivate, through sacred practices, on our own so that we have a reservoir to give from. Sexuality is not about getting something from someone else and taking from that person, rather it is a way to engage with another in order to touch our essential nature. Coupling with another, therefore, is a tremendous responsibility. It holds that Sexual energy is the record keeper of every nuanced moment of our life, which is exactly why it has the power to open up deep wells of feeling and can conversely be so messy.
Sex can bring up ancient feelings that cross the boundaries of time and space. Sex is a soul baring experience, which is exactly why we need to hone our discernment and only bare our sexuality in front of someone who is able to bear witness to us in a safe way, and so few of us hold sex as a sacred contract. If in a committed partnership, the more open we become, the more important it is that the relationship continue to hold the energy that is being opened.
A Crisis of Attention
In the words of Zhenzan Dao, founder of the MogaDao tradition, “Our culture is in a crisis of attention”. True sexuality, sacred sexuality requires acute attention, listening, and presence—subtlety and refinement are necessary for intimacy. “When you touched me taking all that time,” Broumas writes… it’s the “taking all that time” that is so powerful. Sex is about taking time, as is any important act in relationship, and why I have focused so much on creating rituals within a relationship. In Daoism, the body is the place where God lives and there is no need or desire to ever transcend the body. In fact, it is quite the opposite. There is an immense need to cultivate and care for the body so that it can be a more attuned vessel through which to experience and communicate with all of existence. In terms of relationship, we can bring God into the sexual picture and into the relationship, no matter how you define God, and whatever that means to you. In relationship to our own self (and other) this also means that everything is welcome in the body- all of the triggers and the discomforts that we come into contact with are simply there to walk through.
Creating an intimate relationship with our own fundamental energy is what feeds partnership. The study of Mogadao Sacred Daoist Sexuality offers both the rooting philosophy and sacred practices toward a radically new, profoundly healing and entirely powerful experience of sexuality. It is the practice itself that allows for the beauty of the philosophy to become an energetic reality within the body of a practitioner. These practices allow one to come into contact with this fundamental life energy, cultivate, refine and nourish it, so that there is sacred place for a partner to walk into. It is into one’s own practice that we invite others. It’s a practice of getting to know our own inner world so that there is a world to offer to another. “In order to exchange Dao, you have to have some of it to give”, offers Zhenzan Dao, and there is no sex without the power exchange of yin and yang. The more we pay attention to this essential energy, the more we can know the feeling and pulsing of life force.
All of these practices help us come into contact with truth and reality in order to heal judgment and shame around sexuality. The point is to cultivate tenderness toward our own sexuality and ourselves so that this tenderness and self-reverence feeds into everything else in our lives.
If you want to learn more about how to participate in this beautiful body of work, please go to Sarah’s website.